Love Lost - A New Season of You
"When a love in your life dies, you will traverse differing seasons within your life... In a since, you died too, and you are changing just as did your loved one. You're going to make it. Hold On."
Hi. Truly, I feel your pain, and I am sorry for your loss and struggle. There is no answer that is easy or quick. This is something that will take some time. It is a fire which you must traverse. I have some words, which are pretty much meaningless at this point, but they are true. So, here you are: (Scroll down)
The person you lost was never who looked in the mirror, nor the face you became accustomed to seeing. They and you, are the most beautiful thoughts God ever had. More than just an idea or thought, you both are cognizant eternal energy, that is "aware" life. When ice melts and turns to water, it is still the same thing, yet transformed into something that no longer looks like ice. Then, when that water evaporates, it becomes vapor that we can no longer see with our eyes, yet, it still exists. That love in your life, exists, but it is your eyes that cannot see that spectrum of life. We do not see oxygen, yet we breath. Life is not defined, nor has it ever existed within our small human perspective. We cannot define "life" from our limited perception. I know you do not see their face now, but the face was never who you loved. Beyond all human imagination, we do not come close to the miracle that is life. Your love that you cannot see at the moment, does not only exist, but is life itself.
As I said, these words won't mean much now, for the pain of grief is overwhelming at the moment. Know that your pain is from you not seeing vapor, not because vapor does not exist. The one you loved, and still do, exists, is filled with joy, knowledge, love and, yes, life. I know, you do not see them, and I know it hurts. Let grief happen, for it exists too. Let it be, let it exist, let it do what grief does. Feel it, cry rivers and oceans, for when you do, eventually, you will heal, and you will start to experience things, life, differently, yet it will still be life, just as vapor is still water, and water is still ice.

I leave you with this. Talk to God, yell at God, cry to God, and when you have nothing else to say, be quiet and listen with your ears, see with your eyes, and feel with you the soul. It is when we are truly empty, when the voice of pain and the chatter of the mind and the world subsides, that we experience God. God has always been within and all around you, but life, and you have been too busy, and too noisy to hear, to experience God. God whispers. Rarely does God scream, and we don't want that. So, feel what you feel for as long as you feel it. Truly feel it. Do not hide from it, for you will not heal.
When a love in your life dies, you will traverse differing seasons within your life; from endings, to grief, despair, anger, and into the new beginning of you. In a sense, you died too, but just as the love you lost changes from the form you saw into a form you cannot with human eyes, you are changing as well. Know this, there is a beautiful and precious you waiting your arrival. But, first, there is the fire which will transform you into everything beyond who you were.
You, over time, will be okay. You are God's most precious. You really are. Now is the time to be empty, for the refilling of you, the soul, will be magnificent. If no one told you today, or recently that they love you, I Do. You are so precious and beautiful. You are God's best work. You really are.
Find someone who will just hold you, until you want them to speak. Talk when you feel like talking, cry, breathe and know you and your loved one are forever. They are not gone. You just can see them with eyes.
Hold on. You're going to make it in this new season of you. 🙏❤
~ I Am - Wisdom (Mark)