The Dichotomy of Me, of Us

MARK BELL · SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 2016 (Click on image to read.)

Some will look at me, my attitudes, my actions and think, "Why is he saying this, or acting like this when just yesterday he seemed to be saying or being the opposite?"

Not a bad question, if I do say so myself. But, I can explain. You see, this Mark, the Mark talking to you right now is not the same Mark who talked to you yesterday, nor the one who will talk to you tomorrow. I can change in an instant, one minute saying I love you, and the next, angry about what is happening in the world, anywhere lies are lived or injustice is occurring. You see, the thing about me, is, l live in the moment and in any given moment I may observe something that brings tears to my eyes, love to my heart, or anger into my words. There is a fine line between Being and denying, or deceiving. I, like many have lived what I am not, what I accepted as true so as to be accepted by others, and even myself.

The sad fact is, I thought for the longest time, I was wrong in my shifting feelings, but I wasn't. In fact, I was honest in living that now and having the response I had, even if now I would act differently. That does not mean I responded correctly all of the time, because like most of us, my responses, are in part, dictated by the data I have about any given situation or how it triggered me. Being triggered, by the way, is not bad or wrong when we take notice. It is in our notice that we can alter our perspective, thereby influencing our perception, and then, our actions. Also, sometimes like most or all of us, past experiences can dictate a response as well, triggering us. While my responses may be based on a lack of factual data or biased by past experience, they may have been correct based on those conditions.

It is better to live our truth, now, than tomorrow’s, or yesterday’s. If now requires tears, cry. If this new now elicits anger, be angry. Do not deny these moments, for in our deception of our feelings, of us, we are not living now, but from fear. Fear is crippling when it is a tool we use to hide. Each breath we take and each step we step is important, for we must breath our first breath and step each step. In this, our lives, it takes breathing and walking to arrive at this now. Do not worry, for you are, Being.

Lastly, we grow, we become less of how the world dictates and more of our uniqueness. We grow not only in the collection and release of data and experiences, but in the coming together of the puzzle that is the oneness of life. As this picture of life becomes more complete and clear, our response tomorrow may vary from our response today, or yesterday, or from minute to minute.

While this seems stormy at times, it is the ocean in which we exist and become. I hope for all of us that we willingly confront and weather our storms, grow from tattered sails and the rough seas. I hope that each of us realizes that we are all on the same ocean and will meet the save waves. It is my hope that we all allow ourselves and have the courage to feel what we feel, but that we have the grace to acknowledge our missteps, let go of our pride and be who we are destined to Be, who we are and have always been.

This, I must say as well, we are not required to endure other’s missteps, nor the damage they inflict. We need not accept lies dressed in smiles, nor disparagements as we are patted on the back. It is our responsibility to live our lives, not others. Setting boundaries is a good and necessary thing from time to time. Even the greatest of sages and monks select to be where they are afforded space to Be. Yes, there are times we must choose to sail into storms and confront darkness, but it must be from our knowing to do so, not from the Will of others.

May you better understand me and accept me even before my actions, my feelings or my words. May you also forgive yourselves by understanding you and your dichotomies. Blessings to each of you. ~ I Am - Wisdom

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