Closed Doors
Originally written by me, Mark Bell - December 7, 2015 (Click on image to open the doors of cognitive dissonance.) Also, a NEW VIDEO of this writing is linked below. Click link to watch.
As with many of my conveyances, this writing, “Closed Doors,” is based on conversations I have had with others. Three separate discussions inspired this particular writing, but with one thing in common, cognitive dissonance - Not just other people’s cognitive dissonance, but with a touch of mine thrown in for good measure. (Read more below, scroll down for the video link.)
So, what is cognitive dissonance? “... a feeling of uncomfortable tension which comes from holding two conflicting thoughts in the mind at the same time.” “Have you ever felt one way but did the opposite? Or have you ever had two different opinions about the same thing? You’ve experienced cognitive dissonance!” When one’s beliefs are challenged with conflicting data, or their own thoughts and actions, one should examine and reevaluate one’s beliefs. One generally experiences cognitive dissonance, the feeling of turmoil, when what we do conflicts with what we feel, or think. To help understand this term, here are some examples.
1) “Knowing you made the wrong choice but are too stubborn to correct yourself and therefore deny it by saying everyone else made the wrong choice.”
2) “One criticizes others for their dogs pooping in the grass, but who comes to understand they drive a petroleum-powered automobile, or use anything made of plastic, or that pollutes.”
3) “Someone believing abortion and war is wrong, but who themselves realize that by working a nine-to-five job funds the abortion and war they believe is wrong through the taxes they pay.”
4) “When one says they want to know truth, but at the same time, realize they will not allow themselves to accept or consider new data. During these moments, people will try to turn the tables in a conversation or change the subject in their effort to relieve themselves of the discomfort they are feeling.”
5) “Those who cast stones at others while knowing they sin themselves.”
So, for those who would rather watch and listen, here’s the link to the video adaptation of, Closed Doors. Truly, A Great Listen or Read.
Click the image below to watch the video, or scroll beyond the video for links to other great writings.
Cognitive dissonance is the feeling one gets when one sees the contradiction in their beliefs when compared to new and different data, but especially when our actions are opposite from what we know. We all have felt this, as all of us are changing. Every one of us wants to feel secure in our beliefs, and we want data to confirm our conclusions, not challenge them. It is, however, in allowing ourselves to look outside our beliefs that we can grow. If we are to grow, we must question not only new data but existing data and how that existing data may very well be comforting us, even though it is flawed by mistake or design.
Now that we know what cognitive dissonance is and is not, let’s move on to the point of this writing. One conversation I had was about eating or not eating meat. Another talk was about Christianity and a belief in God. Yet another discussion had to do with who was behind the attacks on September 11, 2001. As you can see, these conversations are touchy. Each of these topics polarizes people, and as I reconfirmed, few were willing to step outside their comfort zones.
Upon reflection, I see why humans are so troubled and plagued with anger, hostility, death, and destruction. Since most of us feel comforted through other people’s validation of our beliefs, we grow extraordinarily slow, if at all. This fact goes a long way as to why we still discriminate due to skin color, cultural differences, religious beliefs, and why we kill each other for our beliefs. Our growth is determined not by the comfort we feel in a particular opinion or moment in our lives. Through the inspection of new points of view, we are afforded the opportunity to see outside our perspective. Again, we are not mandated to accept these other viewpoints, just given a chance to see what others see, or that our actions are at odds with our own beliefs. If someone sees me as fat, stupid, or ugly, that is just how they see me at the moment. Are they wrong? No, not from their point of view. Are they right? Maybe not from mine. We need not accept others perceptions of us as fact, just allow them their perspective. Cognitive dissonance is our feeling when we conflict with us, not others.
During these discussions, one thing was clear; we can feel vulnerable when we open up to ideas and concepts not previously validated by those we know or ideas we believe. Because we feel exposed, we raise our voices in demands to be heard and validated. We bolster up in our effort to confirm what we want to believe or condescend in smug efforts to feel right. One constant reared its head in each of these debates, we want to be correct and will defend our desire to be right at the expense of our growth. I will repeat this. We are not obligated to agree with or accept erroneous information or opinions. It is okay for others to have their viewpoints, just as are we. None of us is the whole puzzle, which is why we are all part of the puzzle. Perspectives change every moment, theirs, and ours, as we all are becoming.
Unfortunately, the only cure for these self-created boundaries is for each of us to allow new information into our lives and to be comfortable within our discomfort during the process. Because we believe we are going to heaven, we are comforted. Because someone else appears to be evil, we feel better about ourselves. Because we sleep better at night, we believe lies over seeking facts and truth. As a suggestion, watch the movie “Arlington Road.” It shows the point that we want comfort over truth, even when that comfort comes in the form of deception instead of reality. Now we are in a deep subject; that of fact or subjective-truth, for those are determined through perspective or agreements. There is a time when we know what we know, and that is for us to live until we perceive differently.
The only way we will ever see or live objective-truth is to cast off our clothing of comforting lies and stand naked with truth. But again, truth yesterday, today and tomorrow are what we perceive in the now. Until we dive headlong into this pool, we will wallow in the shallow lies we believe keeps us safe. It is not harmful to find out we were mistaken. It is not wrong to admit to ourselves or others that we believed lies. We all see differently than we did a moment ago. It is when we cast aside our pride that we can allow ourselves to grow. Want to go to heaven? Want to be one with the universe? Then be one with the discomfort of cognitive dissonance first. Find comfort in the uncomfortable. Fast from the desire to be right and feast of the truth that is within and all around us.
Today, challenge something you believe. Look beyond belief. Allow yourself to see from another perspective. If you feel cognitive dissonance, that turmoil within, know that you can change your point of view. If you do not feel conflicted, then you are simply living your life, and that is okay. However, if you and your perspective are shaken, know that you are changing. Cast aside what you think you know and look at it from the eyes of a child. Just by opening our doors and dropping our beliefs for a moment, we allow ourselves to see the world anew, and not only from where we were. Everyday that we see beyond yesterday’s perspective, we grow. If we are defined by anything, it is our infinincy from our ever-changing perspectives.
~ I Am - Wisdom (Written by: Mark, December 7, 2015)
