Touched - Tears of an Empath

This is a MUST read, if you have every experienced random feelings out of nowhere, if you are an empath, or are interested in the empathic experience with others. Click the image to read this article.

Touched - Tears of an Empath

Though this story is fairly lengthy, it is a MUST read. This story of actual events, is not only enlightening, it too is a touching story of abuse and victory.

This writing is about me and a connection, an empathic experience I had with another soul 2000 miles away, whom I had never met. December 6, 2016

I awoke that morning with a smile on my face, a light heart, jocularity in my voice, and just happy. I kidded around with a friend on Facebook. We teased each other and joked around for a good hour or more. It was a great morning, which I needed desperately. In fact, it had been some time since I had felt that joyful and carefree.

Since I had been exercising regularly, I found myself always hungry, which if you knew me over my last few years, was never the case. I told my friend that I was going to take a short break, fix breakfast and would talk to her in a little while.

Earlier that morning, I saw that another friend had posted something on her Facebook page, so I left her a private message again about sharing her story on our Healing Hearts - Soaring Souls group page. There was no reply so I went on with my day.

As I prepared my food, I started feeling horrible. I started crying, actually sobbing. I felt scared, dark and totally overwhelmed. If you knew me personally, you knew I could bounce from good moments to bad fairly quickly. This day, this event was just like a multitude of other times throughout my life, like a light switch had been turned on. As I started eating, I reconnected with my friend, first by private message and later by phone.

This is a shortened part of that conversation:

Mark: I'm hungry now. My stomach is talking to me.
It’s growling and snarling, sort of like that mean face you posted ;) .
I’ve gotta eat. Hungry!

Cheryl: Okay while you are preparing breakfast, take a moment to take a look outside and see if you can see me anywhere....... BB

Mark: Sneaking are ya?? Bye

Cheryl: What did you eat? I had cherry tomatoes. Yummmmmmmm!
Why did you go bye-bye?

Mark: I had some soup from the other day and a protein shake with two pieces of seeded bread, 5 grams protein in every slice.

Are you there?

I have got to get my life moving. Have to sell the Jeep and pay off taxes and make my life happen. I feel like I’m in a giant mud pit where things are stuck. Have to whip it, whip it good.

Did you run away?

Cheryl: No I was writing.

Mark: There you are. Good.

I’m sinking. Talking about this is not enough. Have to sell the Jeep or make something significant happen.

I worry. The longer I wait, the further everything and everyone slips from my view.

Cheryl: Did you see me? I planted a seed in your brain. Did it grow? Was I there?

Mark: I don't know. Slipping backwards. Severity is creeping in.

Cheryl: Kick it away. Be mean. It isn't, doesn't have a chance to get better if you let it in. Stop it at the gate where it is easier to stop it. Either that or eating food is your trigger.

Mark: Something is wrong. I feel it when it comes.

Cheryl: Can you tell me where you feel it when you first notice it?

Mark: My face, my eyes, my heart. I feel the sadness, the overwhelm.

Cheryl: Do you experience a physical feeling in the top area of your head, like a feeling in your brain there? Before the descending feelings in your face, eyes, heart?

Mark: Sorry, crying. No I don't. Just this deep despair.

Mark: Even Loki, my dog feels it. He is crying and licking me.

Cheryl: Yes they know, being sensitive to you. I know you do but hug, love him back. I think it will make you feel a little better just comforting him.

Mark: I am just so tired of feeling this. I want to be happy. Not to cry so much. I so want to close my eyes and not wake up.

Cheryl: I know, been there many times, too much then. Make yourself stop crying and THROW something! No punches or that kind of stuff. Get you self some plastic plates, bowls and Throw them. Envision its the depression you are hitting when you aim.

Mark: I don't feel like being mean. I don't even know if these feelings are mine.

I just become overwhelmed and break down. I beg for the pain to stop.

Loki knows. He is licking and licking my tears.

At this moment, Facebook messenger’s bell dinged, informing me of a new message.

Mark: You need to stop and go read this lady's story on Healing Hearts - Soaring Souls. It took a lot of guts for her to say what she just posted.

Calling you. Turn that phone on.

Mark: :) This is why I was crying. I was feeling her as she wrote!

This is where we ended our chat and I called my friend. I know this may not seem important to those reading this, but this has been my life, and up until now, I thought all these random feelings were a symptom of depression or some other physical malady. I thought there was something wrong with me, when in fact, what I had experienced this morning and for much of my life was a gift. Once I realized what had happened during this event, that what I was feeling were not my feelings, my trauma, I was happy again, almost as if nothing had happened.

Now, I am going to share with you what was being written as I was experiencing this event. As you will see, this lady’s story was abbreviated due to the severity of what she went through. Her words were abbreviated, but her emotions and memories were not.

Stacy Marie
December 6 at 11:55am

“I was requested by Mark Bell to tell my story and post it here. At first, I thanked him for thinking of me and told him I would give it some thought. I thought about it for a few days and wrote back to him that my story was a tough read and I had checked out his site and did not believe it to be a good fit. This site is wonderful and, quite, positive; which, I might add, is a beautiful thing! It is uplifting! However, my story is not…. He asked me a second time and, again, I told him I would think about, reiterating that my story is a difficult one. Well, I have given it much thought and have decided that I would write it. It will, of course, be a much abbreviated version. I will not go into too many details as they are painful to me and I do not wish to spread my pain to others. I pray that my words will strengthen and fortify you. Blessings!”

“I was placed in foster care with four other siblings because our parents were alcoholics and they were not able to care for us. We were moved around too many times to count. While in foster care, I was sexually, physically and mentally abused by my caretakers. I was in seventeen foster homes prior to my adoption. I was adopted at six years old to a very abusive family. My new father was an alcoholic. His wife made me attend church up to five days a week. Their son used me as his punching bag. He ridiculed me and sexually assaulted me. I was called a “chronic liar” by my adoptive mother because she was afraid I would tell my teachers, other family members, and church leaders, what was happening to me at home. I had no one to turn to. I was used as her maid. At eight years old I had to clean the entire house, cook the meals, take care of the pets, do the laundry, etc., all the while she would leave her son in charge when they went out. I would beg them to let me go to a neighbor’s house, instead. However, they refused. My life pretty much went on like this until my adoptive brother was incarcerated. I was overjoyed that he would not be living with us anymore. However, it was short lived as he was allowed to come home after just a few months. I did put up a good fight, though. I weighed 90 lbs to his 180, so, I tried my best to avoid him as much as possible.

This went on until my adoptive parents went on a cruise and left me home alone. My boyfriend, who is now my husband, knew all that was going on. He did his best to protect me from their son. However, there wasn’t much he felt he could do other than threaten him if he ever touched me again. One evening he came to pick me up for a date and opened the front door to see him on top of me. He rushed up to us and yanked him off of me and we ran out the door. I never moved back in. I got a job as an Accounts Receivable Clerk (I was terrible at it!) and found an apartment. We married two years later (My adoptive father refused to come to the wedding or walk me down the aisle) and, now, have a wonderful son. I went on to college and received my degree in English. I, now, teach Adult Education and love to write. My goal is to, one day, publish a book based on my years in foster care and adoption.

I have, since, been sexually assaulted twice by total strangers. I stood up for myself in court and the perpetrator received 12 months with 8 suspended. The other man was never found.

I know many want to believe that the foster care and adoption system is a wonderful replacement for those that do not have any one to care for them; and it could be. However, we mustn’t forget about those who have suffered greatly within the system. Sometimes I consider myself to be a “success story” and at other times, I’m not too sure. However, I am no longer a victim…I am a survivor!

Both my adoptive father and brother have since passed. My adoptive father died from colon cancer and his son committed suicide by stealing his cousin’s car and running it into a tree at 85 m.p.h. I am estranged from my adoptive mother and her family.” ~ Stacy Marie

In Conclusion:

I want each of you to give yourselves some leeway. I want you to know that there is more going on with us than just some doctor’s diagnosis based on their tunnel-visioned knowledge and arrogance. If you have experienced something as I did, don’t just condemn yourself. And…,

If you ever experience what happens to many women and men, being abused and tortured, speak up. Tell someone, leave the situation and never stop fighting. Also, share your story. There are many who suffer quietly, who can heal if they share their stories. Be our hero, tell your story so others can heal.

I want to thank Stacy for sharing her story. I know personally that what you suffered through was beyond words. I also want to thank my friend, Cheryl for helping me through what I thought was a mental breakdown. As we both know now, it wasn’t. Thank you.

~ Mark (I Am - Wisdom)

Further, check out this short writing, “Empathy Is” by clicking on the link. It will shed more light on exactly what empathy is in relationship to your enlightenment.

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